So What's the next step? (Challenge #112)

Once upon a time, about 5 years ago, there was a new-ish, passionate, and burnt-out university library dean who was filled with doubt, stuck in confusion, and surrounded by drama, to the point that she feared that she’d never emerge again. And this is her story–my story–of how I used the principles of kind leadership to conquer my biggest professional challenge ever, heal myself and my team with confidence, clarity and trust, and lead all of us to build a better world without burning out. And in telling that story, I’ll teach you how you can use the next steps checklist to do the exact same thing the next time you’re facing a tricky leadership challenge.

I’ve always wanted to make the world a better place. That’s why I became a librarian, and then a library leader. I started out at the front desk of a small college library in Oklahoma. Over the next 12 years, I earned my masters in LIS and PhD in Higher Ed leadership, and ultimately became the associate director. In early 2018, I started my dream job, as Dean of an academic library in Philadelphia. It was a great college that was making the world a better place. I came in eager, fired up, and this doctorally trained leader with a decade of experience in higher ed and libraries promptly made every newbie mistake in the book.

In fairness, the situation was more challenging than I expected. The University’s leadership needed me to make some big changes as soon as I could and I lacked the confidence and mutual trust required to push back and slow things down a bit. Things hadn't changed much for the library in decades. That made it even harder for my team to cope with everything changing at once. In addition, I’d never set foot in my new hometown before my interview. I was exhausted from relearning EVERYTHING, from purchase order processes to the best route to the supermarket. And did I mention we moved from Oklahoma to Philadelphia in the dead of winter?

But the real challenges were inside me. Deep down, I doubted that I'd ever be good enough or smart enough to lead this library. So, like many an insecure leader, I tried fixing everything external because I was scared to look inward.  I believed that my job was to make the library perfect. But I didn’t know how. All that pressure and anger left me just feeling confused and second-guessing every choice I made. Worst, I felt like I just couldn't connect with my team in a way where we could build mutual trust. I was so terrified that we would get stuck in drama that I tried to smooth things over every time there was a concern and keep us moving forward. And we made progress, but we weren't solving the real problems.

Looking back at the chaos of that first year, there was plenty of blame to go around. However, I was my own worst enemy. As an associate director I had confidently made decisions, possessed a clear understanding of my organization’s strengths and challenges, and shared trusting partnerships with my colleagues and administrators born of a long tenure where I’d worked my way up from front desk assistant to associate director. But now, I found myself overthinking every situation till we all felt cautious and defensive. I was overwhelming everyone with too much change in too short a time. That led to toxic drama instead of healthy conflict. And I was overworking myself, because burnout was safer than admitting I needed help. And the end result was that whatever one might call my leadership style, it certainly wasn’t kind to anyone involved.

It all came crashing down at the end of that insane first year. A few of the bravest team members called a surprise meeting and read me the riot act. They brought receipts. They regaled me with every poor decision I made. Every time I held back information because I’d overthought whether I should share with them. Every time I pushed through conflict that needed to be had because there was too much to do. It was the most brutal meeting I’ve been in since I became a librarian.  A close second was the one with my supportive but concerned then-Provost a few weeks later. My boss said less but it cut deeper. 

To be clear, none of us were perfect. But those talented professionals were tired of being seen as something to be fixed, just like this talented professional was tired of being seen as the enemy simply because I was a newcomer tasked with orders to transform our organization. We were all overworking ourselves, overthinking every decision, and overwhelming each other. But I knew it was my duty as leader to solve the deeper problem with our organization. I had to shift the library from a "me and them” into an US. 

But how?
 
 And that’s when it hit me. Sitting at my desk. Totally lost and alone. Feeling not like I’d failed in my job, but that I was a failure. pondering for the hundredth time where I’d gone so wrong and how I could make it right. But then something in my mindset shifted and it all became clear—both what I’d done wrong and how, just maybe, I might be able to find a way to make it right.

You don’t have to be perfect to build a better world.

You don’t. And that’s not just a soothing platitude, it’s actual historical fact.

In fact, I want you to take a moment to think of the bravest, most effective, and most loved leader you can think of. Were they perfect? Of course they weren’t. If you don’t believe me, hit pause and do a quick online search for criticism or a list of flaws of your favorite historical leaders. And it’s not just the famous ones. Think of your personal leadership role models, the ones who’ve made you the leader you are today. Aren’t they, as much as you’d rather not admit it, a little imperfect?  

None of my Leadership role models are perfect, and that stings. But it also is proof of my epiphany. leaders do not have to be perfect to build a better world. And everything else I have done as a leader or a leadership coach since has followed from that realization.
 
 

Now hold on, because although that realization was the end of the beginning of my kind leadership journey, I still had a big mess on my hands to clean up. What came next was 9 months of research, introspection, tough conversations, setting boundaries, and rebuilding a culture from the ground up. At the end, after all the sudden insights and messy missteps, we had not only transformed into a humane, effective, and collaborative team, I had inadvertently discovered the core principles of kind leadership. And then with all the wisdom of hindsight, I distilled everything I’d learned into the next steps checklist, which presents the truths that took me months to understand in a 5 step format that will get you on the road to kind leadership in the next 15 minutes. 

Grab your checklist while I get the timer started. You can either type into it or print it out to write on—whichever works better for you. Also, I’m just using the timer to prove you can use this checklist in as little as 15 minutes. If you’d rather take longer to think through your challenge, hit pause as early and often as needed to take notes on your checklist or just ponder what you’re learning.